Roger Ewing's Blog

Imagine a room full of people, and in that room there is a Victim and a Rescuer.  The two will find one another and hook up.

By Roger Ewing

Aniston and Schwimmer of TV's "Friends"

Drama is not inherently “bad”.  Drama is very entertaining; it’s just not a good means of managing ones life.  Here is a summary of what we have discovered about drama so far.

1.  At any given time, 60% of the adult population is involved in drama.

2.  Drama is both seductive and addictive.

3.  Drama does not get anyone what they want.

4.  The primary drama roles are Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor.

5.  The pivotal role in any drama is the Victim.

6.  Victims believe they have no options.

7.  Victims use specific limiting language that easily identifies them.

8.  Rescuing is all about the Rescuer, not the Victim,

9.  Persecutors empower Victims.

10.  Victims don’t really want to be rescued.

The relationship between each of our drama roles can be described as an inverted triangle, where the Victim takes the primary position of control.

Remember, while the roles in a silent movie are well defined, in real life drama the role of Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor are assigned by the other players in the drama.  Role reversal is a common occurrence and is important for the drama to gain traction.

If Victims don’t really want to be rescued, what do they want?

Victim’s involved in drama only want one thing from a Rescuer, support.  That’s it.  Simple, don’t over complicate the situation.  If you are involved in a drama situation you want to remove yourself from the triangle.

All Victims truly want is support.  Offer support, not solutions.

Here is a quality response to a drama Victim who is desperately seeking a Rescuer.  “I am here to help you in any way I can, tell me how to do that?”  Remember, Victims don’t view themselves as having options.  Therefore, Victims are incapable of making decisions.

By forcing a Victim to make a decision you are actively interfering with the drama process.

Victims will fight to stay engaged in the drama.  Regardless of how much the Victim may beg you, do not offer solutions.  Victims will make decisions if forced to do so and this is the only way you can achieve an effective solution to a dramatic situation.

Drama is an inherently immature response to life problems.  One of the best ways to view real life drama is to watch the behavior of young teenagers around the age of 13 or 14 years.  Their social interactions involve a lot of drama, “she said”, “he said”, “they said” is a typical conversation.  They live in drama nearly 100% of the time.  It’s almost as if the onset of puberty activates some sort of drama gene.

Mature adults, on the other hand, are interested in discovering how they can create and achieve goals, realize their dreams, and effectively manage their business and personal relationships.  This is mature thinking and is the basis for achieving self actualization.