Roger Ewing's Blog

It should come as no surprise that drama can be described by a very simple formula.

By Roger Ewing

Hollywood has known this formula for years.  One of the easiest means of observing drama is to see an old silent movie.

Here is a classic example of the roles involved in drama in the days of the silent movie.  The cast of characters includes our hero, a Canadian Mounty by the name of Dudley.  There is always a pretty girl who is desperately trying to save Grandma’s farm from foreclosure.  And of course, an evil villain named Snidely who wants to cheat Grandma out of the family farm.

The story follows the drama formula.  After a lot of dramatic activity, Snidely captures the pretty girl and ties her to the railroad tracks.  Dudley arrives at the last possible moment and defeats Snidely, saving Grandma’s farm and winning the pretty girl.  All is well in the end.

The silent movie is clearly an over simplification of real life drama.  However, it serves our purposes when analyzing the dysfunctional relationships we sometimes find ourselves in.  Here is a summary of the roles we encountered in our silent movie.

The Victim

Without a victim there can be no drama.

Therefore, victims are the most pivotal role in any drama.  It’s easy to spot Victims; they tend to use very specific language to describe their condition.  They often use limiting words, such as “always”, “forever”, “never”, “can’t”, “won’t”, “should”, “shouldn’t” and “couldn’t” among others.

Victims typically do not describe their situation as a problem, but rather refer to themselves as being in “trouble”.  Having a problem, implies there may be a solution.  Being in trouble, on the other hand, is a condition with no apparent solution.  Which leads us to our most important Victim quality and explains why Victims are rarely capable of making mature decisions.

Victims believe they have no options.

The Rescuer

The role of Rescuer is the most sought after role in drama.  This is because rescuers are individuals who get their feelings of positive self-esteem by attempting to rescue Victims. While this may seem very altruistic, the fact is it is a selfish role built on the Rescuer’s personal feelings of low self-esteem.  Rescuers feel great when they are doing what they do best,  rescuing.

Rescuing is all about the Rescuer, not the Victim.

The Persecutor

Very few people actively strive to be villains.  The Rescuer and the Victim usually assign this role to another party in the drama.  In fact, the Persecutor is a liquid role that flows freely among the drama players.

All of the roles in drama change and morph as each participant applies drama labels to each of the other players.  At any given time the Rescuer may feel like the Victim, the Victim may feel they are the Rescuer, and the Persecutor will take one position or the other.

All of this confusion creates an environment where positive accomplishments are not easily achieved.  Once we understand that Victims don’t really want to be rescued and that they need a Persecutor to validate their drama, the irony becomes clear.

The Persecutor empowers the Victim in drama.

Why does drama behavior continue when it clearly produces no desired results for the players? The answer lies in the fact that Victims and Rescuers are quite good at what they do.  Career Victims are very accomplished at their role. They really do want a Rescuer to attempt to rescue them and Rescuers really need a Victim to practice their rescuing skills on.  They are co-dependent upon one another and each gets satisfaction from the rescuing activity.  This explains why people stay in dysfunctional and damaging relationships.

The mystery is this.  How do we obtain positive results in our lives if others, who insist on living in drama, surround us and create an environment where little productivity occurs?  The answer is.

Don’t Attempt To Emotionally Rescue A Victim

An ancillary question might be, if I try really hard to rescue a Victim, won’t I realize a positive result?  One would like to think so.  However, the result of being a powerful Rescuer is the real possibility the Victim will turn on you and slap you with the Persecutor label.  Ever heard these words before?  “All I was trying to do was help and looked what they did to me.”

In Part 3 of this series, I will describe the best technique for interacting with others engaged in drama.  There is a creative way to defuse the drama triangle and actually bring about positive, mature, results in our business and personal relationships.